Testimony Sharing: Grief is a Gift from God
- Y. Y. Chan
- Oct 28
- 13 min read
Updated: Oct 29
After publicly sharing my testimony on Friday night (24 October) at the Shift: Exchange (30s Young Adults Ministry) at my church, I decided to write a blog post as well, as there were some things I skipped and didn’t provide any background or context for. I hope this full version of my testimony will be encouraging for anyone who is seeking God or feeling curious about the Christian faith. If you are going through grief as well, I'm sorry you are hurting right now. I wish I could say that it gets better. After over eight years, my heart still aches, and tears still come when I think about or talk about my dad. It is something that will always stay with me, and I don't think these emotions will ever completely fade away. However, I have found hope and comfort through my faith in God, as He has used my experience for good. He brought me out of the darkness, opened up my heart, and showed me how to use my grief as a gift to serve Him and his kingdom. He even unlocked my creativity in unexpected ways. He gave me a purpose through my grief. If this resonates with you or if you want to know more about how grief can become a gift, I hope you'll keep reading...
My faith journey hasn’t exactly been a straightforward path, and it took many years, many people, and several life-changing events for me to truly believe in God. This testimony is just a small glimpse into that journey.
Even though I was raised in a Christian household, I had never felt a real connection to God or felt his presence in my life until my dad passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2017. During his last days, my mum asked him what his final wish was. He said, “I just want to meet Jesus.” He didn’t ask for more time to spend with us or to cross off something on his bucket list. All he ever wanted was to be with Jesus in Heaven. He had lived a full life, even at the young age of 61. He had retired early due to his first cancer diagnosis. Yes, my dad had two cancers. He had fully recovered from prostate cancer just a couple of years before the pancreatic cancer diagnosis. We honestly could not believe that God could allow this to happen to my dad. My dad was a model Christian. His whole life was dedicated to serving others and God, and he had no regrets. He was the most humble servant of God, and it made no sense that God would allow this kind of suffering upon him.
He had good days and bad days, but most of the time, he would put on a happy smile. You wouldn't know that he was going through cancer treatment by looking at this picture below. Our family was very fortunate to be able to spend over a month together in Ensenada, Mexico, while he was going through stem cell treatment. This picture was taken after one of his treatments. Unfortunately, the treatments didn't work, and his cancer metastasised and spread to his liver. We knew he was fighting a losing battle.
When we returned to Hong Kong, my dad was in and out of the hospital a lot, and eventually, we brought him to the hospice so he could be more comfortable and have better palliative care. As we counted down the days, he seemed to be getting happier for some reason. Everyone who came to visit him felt encouraged by his happy smiles and positivity. Even through all his pain and suffering, he continued to exude joy. His heart was at peace knowing that he would be safe and well taken care of in Heaven. Even the hospice staff said that they had never seen anyone look so joyful during their final days. We were also extremely blessed to be able to spend Fathers Day together, and I got to read a letter I had written out loud to him. I told him how much I love him and apologised for the things I had done and regretted in the past.
The night that he took his final breath, I even saw a hint of a smile on his face. This made me curious to know what could ever possess a man to be this joyful and peaceful on his deathbed. Either he had gone completely crazy, or there really is a God, and the peace of God truly does overwhelm you, which transcends all understanding, because I really didn’t understand it. Despite the sadness, anger, and confusion that came with my grief, I wanted to seek this God that gave my dad so much joy and peace.
I joined Alpha (a course for seekers and new believers) shortly after some family friends invited me to attend church. During the retreat, one of the leaders, Helene, prayed for me and said three specific things that God was apparently showing her. She said that she could sense my deep sorrow, that my dad was a well-respected healer, and she had a vision of a girl picking up a 雞蛋花 (frangipani) from the ground. All of those things were true. My sorrow may have been obvious at the time, but she couldn’t have known about the other things. My dad was indeed a well-respected clinical psychologist and even received the Medal of Honour from the government, but I never told her anything about him. And the day before the retreat, I had picked up this 雞蛋花 from the ground during a walk with my mum, which I laid in front of my dad’s photo when we got home. In fact, I didn’t even know that the flower I had picked up was called 雞蛋花 in Chinese until I told my mum what Helene had said. She quickly pointed to the flower in front of the photo, saying ‘that’s 雞蛋花’. It was at that moment that I knew God wanted me to know that He understands my pain and sorrow, He knows all about the hard work my dad had done, and that He notices and sees everything that I have done, even something as insignificant as picking up a little flower from the ground. That’s when I realised that God had always been with me, even when I didn’t feel His presence. He showed me through this prayer how real and present He had been and still is in my life. So I declared my faith and got baptised on 23 September 2018.
A couple of years later, I felt this urge to write a book during the COVID season. I had always wanted to become an author, but I had never written a full draft to completion. None of my stories had an ending. This time, I was determined to finish the story. During a CNY lunch gathering with some Village (Women’s Ministry) sisters, Kwen asked us all to share our New Year’s Resolutions, so I said that I wanted to write and publish a book. However, I didn’t share this with my family or relatives. I doubted myself a lot, and it felt too vulnerable to put my story out there for the world to see. I had so much fear and anxiety, and I worried about what others would think of me. I had never shared my writing with anyone nor expressed my emotions so openly before in my life. I think God knew that I needed a lot of support, so he sent a Christian writing coach to me. I remember telling her that maybe I didn’t need to publish the book; writing it out was good enough, because I was so scared to put myself out there. But then she said to me (and I'm paraphrasing here), ‘If you don’t publish this story, you are being very selfish. God allowed those things to happen to you so you could personally experience His love and presence and share His gospel with the world. So, how could you keep this story to yourself?’ It was hard to argue with that. I really didn’t want to be selfish!
With her support and encouragement, I pushed through all my self-doubt and fear, stepped way out of my comfort zone, and published my first book, called ‘Can You Hear Me, Daddy?’ and dedicated it to my dad. I used my personal experience of loss and grief and wrote a fictional children's book to bring hope and comfort to grieving families. I actually had a longer version of the story, which I hadn't planned on publishing, but my coach said, 'Why not publish both?' So there is also a chapter book version for older readers, called 'Can You Hear Me?' The message of the books is that if we simply have faith and believe that our loved ones in Heaven can still hear us when we talk to them in our hearts, then they can. It's just like when we pray to our Heavenly Father–we can’t see Him, but we have faith that He is always listening. I still talk to my dad whenever I miss him, and it brings me comfort and hope to know that he’s with Jesus, listening to my rambling thoughts every day.
After publishing my books, I received emails, messages, and reviews that expressed how much the story had touched and comforted different people around the world, giving them hope in their time of grief. Almost everyone who reached out to me told me that they had cried while reading my books. Some said they started crying after the first few pages. It strangely made me happy to know that my book could evoke such strong emotions in others. It's not that I particularly enjoy making others cry; it just meant that the story felt real and relatable, and people could see themselves and their loved ones in it. The tears didn’t just come from the pain and the sadness of it all; they were also tears of joy and hope in knowing that death isn’t the end, and that we would all be reunited again in Heaven one day. And if you think about it, some of the most impactful and memorable stories, movies, or artworks stem from some kind of suffering, loss, or grief. How different would our world be without these kinds of stories from authors like C.S. Lewis, Tolkien, or Jane Austen? If their stories were just filled with happy moments without any kind of pain or suffering, nobody would care to read them because they aren’t real, and they wouldn’t have the same impact on the readers.
My perspective on grief completely shifted after writing my books. I realised that grief is just another expression of love–love for someone who is no longer with us. And it’s not something we need to be ashamed of for having or carrying with us for the rest of our lives, because it’s a love that doesn’t and shouldn’t ever end. In a way, grief represents God’s unconditional love for us, because it is never-ending.
I started having some deep conversations about faith and the universal experience of loss and grief with some of the readers around the world. I had no prior connection with them before, but we bonded and connected quickly, and even encouraged and prayed for each other. I also connected with other authors, as well as grief counsellors, and some of us have become good friends and continue to chat regularly to this day.
I felt like God had lit this fire in me, and I had finally found my purpose in life. Connecting with readers, authors, and aspiring writers around the world also gave me the idea to create a grief journal. Hearing others' experiences revealed a common challenge grievers encounter. Sometimes, it's difficult to talk to people who are closest to you. They may not understand your feelings and may want to try and comfort you or make you feel better. There is really nothing anyone can do or say that can make a grieving person feel better. In fact, most of the time, we just need an outlet to let our emotions out. Writing and other creative art forms can become our outlets to release those emotions rather than keeping them bottled up inside. I wanted to encourage others to express their emotions in creative ways, so those emotions could turn into something beautiful, meaningful, and long-lasting, while bringing healing and comfort as well. I researched and gathered ideas and finally produced ‘Creative Ways to Grieve: A Guided Grief Journal.’ This unexpectedly became my bestselling book, and has also been translated into Chinese by a very kind and generous doctor who believed in the value of this journal. Copies of the journals have been donated to various churches, hospices, and NGOs, for anyone in need, and have also become a resource for counsellors. Publishing this journal had never been a part of my plan when I started my author journey, but God is always full of surprises.
God is still writing my story and using my grief in various ways to serve Him. He continues to challenge me, opening new doors, giving me new ideas and creating pathways to further strengthen and deepen my faith. He also gave me opportunities to exercise and practise my talents in both writing and teaching. Last year, I had the privilege and honour to conduct creative writing workshops for some women from Sons & Daughters (an NGO which helps those caught in sexual exploitation reclaim a life of love, family and freedom). When April invited me to volunteer with them, I was a little hesitant at first, since I had never taught adults before. However, I knew God would guide and lead if I just said ‘yes’ to Him, so I took a leap of faith and committed to serve. The workshop ran for six weeks, and I felt a little sad when it ended because it was truly the best decision I had made. I enjoyed the whole experience so much. My faith grew tremendously as I witnessed how these women had been transformed and how much God had blessed and helped them overcome all their suffering and pain to become such strong and resilient daughters of God. They didn't let their past stop them from pursuing their dreams, but allowed God to work through them and use their experiences, gifts, and talents for a greater purpose. I felt so much joy after each session, and it was a kind of joy I hadn't experienced before.
Finally reading these women's stories printed in the booklets shared at the S&D Marketplace was confirmation that this was what I was meant to do, and that it had been God’s plan all along. One of the ladies included the scripture from Jeremiah 29:11 at the end of her story: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” This very verse had been popping up for me multiple times in different contexts, and from different people, since I started attending church again. I had meditated on it many times throughout the last few years. Seeing this verse printed in the booklet felt like a full-circle moment. God kept His promise and revealed His plans so clearly.
I finally realised that my grief was a true gift from God. Yes, the pain of losing my dad was unbearable, but I would not have known God, and I would not have opened my heart and written these books, or connected with all those people, without grief. What I have gained and continue to gain is so much more than what I had lost. And I didn’t really lose my dad–he will always be in my heart–I just gained another Father in Heaven!
God truly does bring good in all things. We may not see the good things amid our pain and suffering, but God is always working in all our circumstances. He can use every piece of our brokenness, suffering, and pain for good. We don't need to be perfect and whole to serve God or be purposeful. We just need to say 'YES!'
There is one more thing I want to add to this testimony, which occurred to me this Monday morning. Last year in December, I actually wrote down a prayer about sharing my testimony on a card given to us at the Village End of Season Gathering. The prompts on the card asked us to write down what we wanted to release to God and how we wanted to shine for Him. I had completely forgotten about this card and just noticed it this morning.
In case you cannot read my terrible handwriting, this is what I had written:
God, I release to you... My fears, doubts, worries, uncertainties, the unknown, my control over all aspects of my life, my need to make everything perfect, my need to please others and feel accepted, my need to seek validation and approval, my pride, my finances, my comfort.
God, this is how I want to shine for you... Let you use me and the gifts you have given me to be who you want me to be, to be a blessing and inspiration to others, an example of faith, hope, and courage. Share my story and testimony bravely, openly, vulnerably, and honestly. Lead them to do the same for you.
When I re-read my own words, I realised that God answered my prayer and gave me the strength to do it. I had often avoided sharing my testimony because it scares me so much to be so open in front of others, but I didn't want to have this fear any more so I prayed and made a promise to God that I would finally do it, even if it made me scared and uncomfortable. He built up my confidence bit by bit, and even helped me to release my burdens to Him through various experiences and challenges along the way. How amazing is our God!
As I conclude my testimony, I also want to take this opportunity to encourage anyone who has a personal story of salvation: Your story matters! I truly believe that we all have a powerful story to tell as a living testimony of God’s unconditional love and saving grace, and that all our stories can help and encourage someone else and bring them closer to God. I encourage you to write it down too and share it with others. You can publish a book like I did, or simply post it on a blog, send an email, write a letter, or even leave a comment on this post. Sharing our testimonies out loud is definitely powerful, but it is limited to one audience at one particular time. If you write it down, it becomes timeless and boundless, and can be read over and over again for generations, even after we leave this earth. With the Internet, your story can even reach places you may never physically travel to. God's good news and how he has worked in all our lives need to be shared far and wide. These are not stories to keep to ourselves, and we would be incredibly selfish if we did.
I always get excited when someone tells me they want to write a book. If this is you and you don't know how to get started, feel free to reach out to me. I would love to help you bring your story to life and share it with the world!
If you are interested in the books mentioned in my testimony, here are some places where you can borrow or purchase a copy.
Can You Hear Me, Daddy? is available at:
Hong Kong Public Libraries (call number: JF CHA)
Island ECC: Quench Book Store (1/F, 633 Kings Rd. Quarry Bay, Hong Kong)
Can You Hear Me? is available at:
Hong Kong Public Libraries (call number: F CHA)
Creative Ways to Grieve: A Guided Grief Journal is available at:
If you work with an NGO, hospital, hospice, church, or a cancer-related foundation, I am happy to donate some copies of the grief journal to your organisation as well. You can reach out to me directly by emailing yy@yychani.com.
*This post contains affiliate links
Comments